[0:01]Hello?
[0:02]Hello, please. I'm calling to speak with Mr. Barry, please.
[0:05]Yeah, this is him.
[0:06]My name is Ahmed.
[0:07]Ms. McCann has requested that we put your name on the birth certificate,
[0:11]but we cannot put your name on it.
[0:13]Why is that?
[0:14]First of all, we have no way of knowing if you are actually the father.
[0:17]Yeah, well, if...
[0:21]And when the birth certificate came back, my name wasn't on it.
[0:24]Yes, that's because you are not married.
[0:25]This is the way it happens here in America.
[0:27]I don't know...
[0:28]Oh, right, right.
[0:29]So tell me what I need to do.
[0:31]There is no possible way that this Ms. Geraldine person
[0:35]could not have been with anyone else, please.
[0:38]Huh?
[0:39]Is it 100% because we get this all the time,
[0:41]and then we do the DNA test, and then you're not the father?
[0:43]So I'm asking you now so I can check off the little box.
[0:47]I have a questionnaire I have to ask you.
[0:48]It's 100%. 100%.
[0:50]Go on to the next question.
[0:51]All right, well, don't...
[0:52]Listen, if you want your name on the birth certificate,
[0:54]we will go at my pace, okay?
[0:56]I don't know...
[0:56]Huh?
[0:57]Tell me what I need to do to get my name on the...
[1:02]All right.
[1:02]At what point...
[1:02]At what point do you plan on marrying this woman?
[1:07]Excuse me, sir.
[1:07]That is the question on here I have to ask you.
[1:09]I'm after answering it.
[1:11]Well, then I don't have to put your name on the birth certificate.
[1:13]Listen, I'm after answering the question.
[1:16]Go on to the next one.
[1:17]Okay, so you're telling me I should put down
[1:18]you're not going to marry this woman, yes?
[1:20]None of your business.
[1:21]I said the next question.
[1:22]No, you're after answering the question for you.
[1:24]So go on to the next one.
[1:25]Smarty McPants, listen to me.
[1:27]If you're going to have more children,
[1:28]I have to know because you're going to...
[1:29]Hold on a second.
[1:30]Hold on a second.
[1:31]I can't understand your broken English.
[1:33]Your English is very bad.
[1:34]Put someone else on the phone.
[1:35]Listen, my English is better than your English.
[1:37]Where are you from?
[1:38]I am from India.
[1:39]Where are you from?
[1:40]Will you?
[1:43]Oh, now you have a problem with India?
[1:44]Where the hell are you from?
[1:45]You're not an American.
[1:46]Yeah, you're right.
[1:47]Put someone else on the phone, will you?
[1:50]You don't sound like somebody who should be anybody's father.
[1:53]I'm trying to help you here.
[1:54]And where's your father, tell me?
[1:57]Put someone else on the phone.
[1:59]Now, I'm going to ask you again.
[2:00]Are you planning on having any more children out of wedlock, please?
[2:03]I might and I might not.
[2:04]Okay, fine.
[2:04]So I put down that, yes, you're going to have more bastard children.
[2:07]Is that what I'm going to say, yes?
[2:08]Huh?
[2:09]Do it again.
[2:10]You know, I am very good at the world geography and you sound to me like you're Irish.
[2:14]If you're Catholic, you're not very good at the English.
[2:18]I am doing my...
[2:18]Your English is very good.
[2:21]No wonder she doesn't want to marry you, okay?
[2:23]Now I understand.
[2:24]Yeah, you're probably right, you're probably right.
[2:27]Just go on to the last question, will you, for f**k's sake.
[2:29]Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
[2:30]You don't understand f**king religion.
[2:32]Go on to the last question, you annoying bastard, will you?
[2:35]Potato eater.
[2:36]What?
[2:37]Yes, you with the small schwankies.
[2:38]Everybody knows about the Irish.
[2:40]You don't know who you're talking to, you stupid c**k.
[2:42]Go on.
[2:42]Go on to the last question, will you, please, please.
[2:44]I need to know, since you are not planning on marrying this woman, are you a citizen of...
[2:48]I didn't say that, you f**king stupid c**k.
[2:50]If you're going to marry her, then when are you planning on marrying her?
[2:52]Oh, will you f**king...
[2:54]You're asking the questions and I'm answering the f**king things.
[2:56]Don't you put your...
[2:57]I tell you what, you write down whatever you want in all the answers.
[3:00]How's that?
[3:00]That's fine.
[3:01]That's fine, is it?
[3:02]Yeah.
[3:03]No, no, I want...
[3:03]Mahatma Gandhi.
[3:04]Are you finished now, are you?
[3:05]I'm not going to put your name on the birth certificate.
[3:08]I don't give a f**k because I'm going to ring back and get someone else.
[3:10]Listen, cracker, there's nobody else here but me.
[3:13]Cracker, cracker.
[3:14]That's me, cracker.
[3:15]You're f**ked.
[3:16]You're a very racist boy.
[3:17]I ask you again, if you're so Catholic, why are you having the bastard children out of wedlock?
[3:22]Bastard children, huh?
[3:23]Yes, it's supposed to be...
[3:23]How many children have you?
[3:24]I've got four.
[3:25]How many wives have you?
[3:27]I've got one.
[3:28]I tell you, every day you should get down and pray to Allah or Abba or who the f**k you ever pray to.
[3:34]And thank God that you have one wife, for f**king sake.
[3:36]You are the dumbest man I've ever spoken to.
[3:38]So, does your wife have a daughter?
[3:40]No head, does she?
[3:41]It is a sacred marking, yes, my friend, yes.
[3:44]It's a sacred marking.
[3:45]Yes, like freckles and a beer bottle in your hand.
[3:48]Yes, your people have a very proud people, yes.
[3:50]Is your question finished, is it?
[3:52]No, I need to know, was this a planned pregnancy?
[3:55]Yeah, I'm waiting.
[3:58]Look, I'm just going down the questions on the phone, don't yell at me.
[4:01]Is this the last f**king question, is it?
[4:03]Do you have any kind of hereditary illnesses or diseases in your family?
[4:06]Yes, yes, I have all the diseases I caught from your whore of a wife.
[4:09]Okay, so there you go.
[4:10]Put that down, yeah?
[4:12]At least I have a wife, I care enough to marry her before I have little immigrant children walking around.
[4:17]I am proud to be an American, can you say the same?
[4:20]Yeah, you're proud to be an American.
[4:23]I don't hear too many Americans talking like that, do you?
[4:26]You sound like a leprechaun, that's what you sound like.
[4:28]Yeah, I tell you, I'm a leprechaun.
[4:29]Listen, you lucky charms eating bastard.
[4:31]Yeah, you're going again with your f**king good English, isn't it?
[4:33]Get off the f**king phone.
[4:35]Barry, Barry, this is Dave Brody from Elvis Duran in the Morning Zoo, you've been phone tapped.
[4:43]Your not wife thought it would be a good idea to phone tap you.