EFTA02731361 - Forced Pregnancy Diary

Close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes. Dont speak she doesnt talk. I cant stop shaking and its been a week. A decision was made but I cant tell Jeffrey. These things happen. Why didnt I close my eyes fast enough. The doctor was different again. I think from Israel. He had kind eyes but didnt speak directly to me. This was different. A shot and those rod like things had a hook and so much pain. Ghislaine said to push all the pain away. I dont understand. Blood and water all over the bed and she was right. Like a feeling when your tummy hurts and you have to push. She said to close my eyes and put her hands over my eyes but I didnt close them because of these tiny cries. I am so lost. I saw between her fingers this tiny head and body in the doctors hands. It reached its tiny arm up and had a tiny foot. I closed my eyes and no more... (next page)

In the hall Ghislaine said she was beautiful. SHE WAS. Not is. She was a beautiful girl! I heard her! Where is she? Why did she stop whimpering? She was born! I heard the tiny cries! I cant do this anymore!

He was right. A couple of months and two pink lines with a hold on being with others until after it was positive. I want to die. Why didnt she protect me? As long as I am wearing what you want. There is no respect for me as a human. I am nothing but your property and incubator! You only trust me when I am under your complete CONTROL. I will never trust another man EVER! I am the only one who provides and sacrifices EVERYTHING! I give and give out of terror and you take ALL of me. You need me to continue...Keeping us all connected.

This is not surprising but there is no such thing as a child prostitute! They are children and cannot consent! They are missing the biggest in my own backyard and so many more! Like Maralago and where I see Mr. Joe and Mrs. Anne.

Controlled ALL by Jeffrey! All the time! Get away from it all. And go to New Mexico? What in the hell? This makes no sense. What about school? Behind the scenes. He is now controlling EVERYTHING when it used to be Ghislaine who some days acts like she hates me. Secrets of...all of them. I am tired of keeping this secret. I know people are wondering but I can't tell! I am exhausted! Broken promises...I don't understand why she is treating me on some days like Im the enemy but then we lay in bed together and she is how she used to be, warm. He makes her feel my tummy and its so sad and confusing. Superior gene pool ?!? Why me? It makes no sense. Why my hair color and eye color? That feels very Nazi like but in think[ing] about these stupid insane theories he has I guess in his mind it makes sense. The piano and music comments are made to convince me this is right and will create perfect offspring he calls them. I dont think it works that way and its making me hate playing altogether. Piano or viola. I am starting to resent them both. I miss the person I was before I was made into what feels as a human incubator.

My heart belonged to her. She was so very beautiful. She was perfect. I cant bring myself to write what happened. I am beyond broken. I only got 10 to 15 minutes to hold and feed her before they took her. She is mine! I want her back!!! Distraught!

April 22nd I had no choice. I wasnt ready and she wasnt ready. My mother had found me and it was urgent. After so many bonding moments with Jeffrey, Ghislaine, their baby inside me with me in the middle she wouldnt even look at me. We said nothing to one another and I was so confused. When we arrived at Palm Beach I was taken to a house close to Jeffreys I think called Ocean Blvd or St. But it was close and I was ALONE except for a new driver not Mr. Juan. An elderly French lady whose pictures on the wall didnt have her. She had a thick accent and was kind. Said she had been born to deliver babies and had been doing so before I was born. Similar as the last one with shot and hook but too much blood with so much water and unbearable pain. She put her hands inside of me and seemed worried. I didnt understand. Something about the baby facing wrong way and putting ... (next page)

pressure on a placenta? Things would have to be different. She said I had to be brave and strong and listen to her directions so she could help safely get the baby out. I was TERRIFIED seeing so much blood on the bed and floor and started to panic. She had me flip over to my hands and knees and had me push and push and it was so excruciating. I could feel everything as she tried to guide the baby out but I was so tired. I felt I was dying but suddenly she had caught a beautiful baby girl who made more than a whimper but beautiful cries. She let me hold her and washed her and brought her back clean and perfect. She smelled so good and showed me how to feed her. But only after maybe 15 minutes Mr. M came to take her. I was hysterical! and begging for more time. He said those horrible girls were in the car waiting but I wouldnt let her go. The old woman promised me she would be safe and I had to let go. 4 pounds 10 ounces 18. 5 inches long with beautiful long fingers. I am dead inside. Life has no meaning. I dont want to be here.

Jean Luc Brunel is a disgusting pig with bad breath and I am almost positive does these disgusting things because he is struggling with maybe being gay! 6 weeks wasnt even given before being sent back. Punishment for trying to run. Why can no one help me. Ghislaine is gone. I am so lost and my heart is broken. Is this my...destiny.